About Jesus being baptised by John (Matthew 3 : 7 - 17)
My Dear Caiaphas:
I hope your mission in Alexandria is proceeding well. May the Most High bless your sacred undertakings.
You were kind enough to ask for some account of recent events. You may be amused to learn of the activities of an itinerant preacher across the Jordan who has been proclaiming what is called a baptism of repentance. You might remember a rather similar case in the Judaean wilderness a few years ago. This John, it transpires, is not one of the Essenes, though he seems to be similarly obsessive in his ministry.
I must confess that I have been rather intrigued by reports of this modern-day Elijah, although in my experience such phenomena are best treated with caution. In any case it seemed prudent to have some first-hand knowledge of what was going on, if only so as to be well-informed when in conversation with our Roman guardians, who are of course concerned to comprehend any populist threat to good and stable government.
As it happened, some others of our group had been contemplating an investigative foray into the wilderness to see these things which had come to pass. So I tagged along. Apart from anything else, there were a few matters regarding the election I wanted to have a word with some of the younger members about, so this presented itself as an ideal opportunity. I think they were a little surprised that I should wish to come, but then as you know I rather like surprising people. It is best not to become too predictable in one's dealings.
I should say that the numbers attending have been subject to exaggeration. There were rather less than a hundred or so, though admittedly it was unseasonably warm, and so hardly an ideal day for the sort of trip to see the Wild Man which the hoi-polloi might enjoy. He is dressed in the traditional prophetic garb of a rather unpleasant camelskin. He wears his hair in dreadlocks. But to be quite frank, I expected rather more wildness. His voice struck me initially as quite sonorous, before the usual apocalyptic ranting began. He talks a good deal in agricultural terms; you will be gratified to know that we are evidently to consider ourselves chaff, ready for the burning.
There were inevitably some of the pharisaical brethren in attendance, and he referred to these, rather appropriately I felt, as a nest of vipers. They appeared more than a little discomfited.. You will doubtless be as surprised as I was myself, to learn that they seemed to want to undergo his rather unusual initiation ceremony. This is really rather unseemly. He requires those who are presenting themselves to wade fully clothed into the river, and whilst in that position to announce publicly that they are sinners and outcasts, or some such thing; generally to beat the breast anyway. He then throws more water over them and says some sort of extempore prayer. He does this to women as well. In fact a number of immodestly dressed young women, whose profession was all too apparent, went through this process. It seemed to me that he lingered over them in a wholly improper way. He talked quite freely with them. I really can't imagine that the whole process would be anything but unsettling to such people. Doubtless they will have returned to Jerusalem and pursued their calling as lustily as ever, though perhaps they will now be advertising spiritual as well as physical relief.
What was rather more concerning was the presence of two officers of the Roman Revenue Authority, who were subject as one might expect to some rather surly abuse from the rabble. They too went paddling, and promised to reform. Of course, this is no more likely than the sanctification of the young ladies noted above, but the thought of such a thing, were it to become a general trend amongst tax-gatherers might be of more concern. I was pleased to note the presence of a couple of legionnaries just keeping an eye on things.
Our latter-day prophet continued with a celestial weather-forecast. According to him the moon is about to turn to blood, the stars will go out, and the sun cease to shine. Brighter later perhaps. I really was rather bored of it all by this time, and was suggesting to the others that it might be time to go, when something rather remarkable happened. Our prophet seemed to go into overdrive at the sight of one newly-arrived penitent. I moved rather closer so that I could make out what was going on. He clearly felt that this was someone special, and initially refused to give him the same treatment he had been urging on everyone else.
He said rather poetically that he wasn't worthy to untie his sandals, which made me wonder if we were going to see a burning bush as well and would all be being asked to divest ourselves of footwear at any moment. Eventually this newcomer, whose name was Yeshua ben Yusuf - a northerner by his rather guttural speech - appeared to have persuaded the prophet to do his stuff. I realised then that this was of course quite a cunning way to encourage others to submit, and that they were evidently working the scam together. It emerges that this Yeshua was his cousin, which fits. He plunged him down into the river, and just as he surfaced for air, there was what the rabble took to be a clap of thunder. Of course, I realised that the sound effects were courtesy of other accomplices, some of whom immediately cried out that God had spoken!. One of them had a tame dove, trained to swoop rather impressively. All in all, a nicely performed little routine.
The whole thing was evidently set to go on for hours, and by then I really had had enough, so we made our way back. I had quite a useful conversation with some of the younger ones, as a result of which I think we may be sure of their support next month. Some interesting developments are afoot concerning the Queen's retinue, of which I will write when we have clearer information.
May the Most High prosper all your most noble undertakings in His name. Farewell.
Author: Roger Quick