Right from the time I was a little girl, I'd always loved Simon. Galilee was a good place to grow up then; it was all we knew, the lake, the hills, the village. He was older than me; I used to play with his younger brother Andrew. My dad was a fisherman too; they all were. I never thought he'd be interested in me; I was only thirteen when we started going out.
My dad hadn't been that keen at first. He thought Simon was a bit full of himself; but then I remember one time he came round to our house mam had just got a new lamp, and Simon was that flustered when my dad came in, he stood up too fast and sent this lamp flying. There was oil everywhere. My mam wasn't bothered; she liked him straight off; she always has.
"Go on," she said "the pair of you. Why don't you walk up the village; and while you're about it, get us some more oil."
Now I think about it, it was maybe his knocking that lamp over maybe made me dad take to him a bit more; he was the same y'see; a big fellow; always a bit clumsy. It's funny how seeing someone's failings can... make you like them better.
Two years later we were married. I was lucky. We were happy together. For all he had a temper; it never worried me; he never meant anything by it; it was his nature. What did get to me was; how every now and again he'd get... restless; and that used to worry me. I used to think, is it me? Is there something wrong with me, am I too boring, am I too ordinary for him? It did get to me; I used to worry that one day I'd wake up and find him gone.
But then, when John was born, and then Andy... he was a wonderful dad was Simon. He'd take them out in the boat, and get them net-mending, and show them where the best fish were, and take them up into the hills when he had time; he used to drive himself at work though. Out in the boat all night, and planning and... selling fish all day; he was the first that took fish up to Decapolis you know. He's a good head for business. That's how the years went by; you look back, and you think, where did it all go? I suppose I thought it was always going to be like that. I never thought about it; well you don't do you?
It really started from when my mam got sick. She'd lived with us since my dad died, and she'd been fine up till then; never had a day's illness atall. But one morning she didn't get up; that wasn't like her; I pulled the curtain back, and I could see straight away she wasn't right. She looked grey, and she was sweating. I took her a drink, and she just shook her head. So I sided pots, I put my scarf on, I said "You just stay there love, I'm going for our Martha." She didn't say no, and that had me worried. I was back with Martha in five minutes, and my mum was just how I'd left her; Martha had a look at her, and she gave her something, but I could see she wasn't right happy with it. She said to me, keep her cool if you can, get her to take some boiled water. All that day, and the next night she was poorly. She couldn't keep a thing down. I could see she was proper poorly; fading away she was.
Simon had been up at market through the day; when he came back he took one look at her and he said "Right. I'll be back." and he started out the door I said "Where are you going? It's nearly dark." "I'll be back." And he was gone.
Well all that night I sat by her bed, tried to keep her comfortable, squeezing her hand, and hoping and praying she'd be better soon. Every now and again, I'd go to the door, look across the lake, look up at the stars, say a little prayer. Go back in.
It was early, soon after cockcrow, when I heard someone coming. It was Simon; and he had someone with him. A thin man. Haggard almost. He came straight in with Simon, he didn't say anything; he came right over to where me mam was lying, and he knelt down, and he took her hand in his. Then he raised his eyes and looked at me, and he smiled, and he said; "She's going to be alright, Rebecca." And somehow I believed him.
Then he put his hand out, and just brushed the hair off her forehead, and he made a sign. Then she sort of... half-smiled, in her sleep, like a little child would. Then she took another breath, and her eyes opened, and she looked at me and Simon bent over her, and she said "What're you doing? " Just as though nothing had ever happened.
Then she looked at Jesus. She looked straight at him, and do you know what she said - she said "Would you like a cup of tea?" Well, we all burst out laughing, laughing and crying all at once; and Simon hugged me, and he hugged Jesus that hard he could have cracked his ribs. And when he'd put him down, we all went quiet, and my mum reached up, and just patted Jesus on the cheek, and they looked at each other like friends who've been through a lot together. Then she smoothed her hair, gave a little sniff, and went to make the tea, like she always did.
Then Simon said to him "I don't know what we can do. But, anything you want, name it."
"It'll be expensive." he said; I started to laugh, and then I realized he wasn't laughing. He turned to me, he took both my hands in his and he said; "Don't be frightened any more."
When Simon had to go net-mending, Jesus went with him, down to the lake. It was dinner-time before Simon came back up. "Becca," he said, "I've got to go." Do you know, when what you've been frightened of, all your life, suddenly happens - it's almost a relief. Isn't that funny? "Go" I said. "Go where?" "With him. Just for a couple of weeks."
And that was it. No point arguing with Simon when he'd his mind made up. By nightfall they were gone. It was three months: not a word. Oh, we managed. John and young Andrew carried on the business; they were ready for it actually. But I kept thinking, where is he; what's he doing? I was angry really. it kept coming back to me what Jesus had said: "Don't be frightened....." and then.... I was angry that someone could just come into our lives and turn everything upside-down. And me mam, bless her: she just kept going on about how wonderful Jesus was, and how he'd cured her arthritis as well. And she was better. But I found myself thinking; well, maybe she'd have got better anyhow. That's how fevers are, up and down.
Then one morning I went up the village and our Betty said she'd had a traveller come through that morning, and Jesus was coming back our way; he'd be here within a week. Well a couple of days later I was hanging the washing out and Simon came up behind me and had me in a bear-hug. I didn't know whether to hug him or hit him. When he put me down I had a good look at him. He'd changed. I was almost a bit in awe of him. He began to talk about what was going on; things I didn't understand; how Jesus was going to overthrow the Romans, and set up his own government, and how he was going to be his right-hand man - and Andrew of course - and how we were all going to live in a palace and have servants.
"And has Jesus told you all this?"
"Oh yes. Well. You know... He's a good man is Jesus, but he's not very practical. He's had no experience of business. He doesn't understand. Now, that's where me and Andrew come in, and Iscariot, he's another one with some idea what he's doing. Look love, I can't stop now, we've got a meeting at midday. Come tomorrow to the long field above Capernaum. Look. Come. He's told us, this is when he's going public. So we've done a mission statement for him, three phases..... Look; come tomorrow. Becca... This is it. This is the big one. What we've been waiting for. Look, I've got to go. Have you got any bread?" And that was it.
I nearly didn't go. Then it turned out there was a few going, and I thought I could have a talk to our Martha as we went.
It'd be something different. So we did. Set out first light, all of us together. When we got there, there must have been a hundred people.We got to where we could hear; Jesus was talking. Do you know, I'd forgotten, somehow, what he was like. After what Simon had said I thought he'd be ranting and raving and carrying on but he wasn't. He was telling this story about a woman who'd lost some jewellery; ooh he did make me laugh. I didn't want to but I did.
And then somehow, it was like the wind changed, the sun going in, and he started talking about what was going to happen. I thought, here we go. This is it. I could see Simon and Andrew behind him sit up and take notice. It was what they'd been waiting for. But he didn't say anything about the Romans. He didn't say anything about palaces and governments. He said he was going to get hurt. He said that everyone would turn on him. He said they were going to kill him. It all went quiet, and then suddenly, there was a sort of scuffle, and our Simon suddenly comes up to him, and tries to say something to him in a whisper; he was angry, I could see that, he was furious was Simon; and Jesus turns on him, and he says:
"Get back there you. All you're thinking about is your way of doing things. This is about God's way, not yours."
I saw Simon's face. He went white. He looked like he could have hit him. Then he ran off.
Then Jesus starts talking to the one's nearest him, then to the rest of us, and he says;
"If you want to do it my way, there's no room for your way. This way is... it's like... carrying a cross that's going to kill you, and still you keep on carrying it. If you try to live your life for yourself, you'll lose everything. But if you give up everything, then you'll really get a life. What good is it owning all of the world if you've lost yourself?"
Then he shouted over to where Simon had run to;
"If you're ashamed of me, I'll be ashamed of you when it matters; when the real glory comes."
Then he began to talk about the real glory. About God's way. About what heaven was really like. Not like in sermons. He spoke like he knew. I didn't hear it all; I wanted to; I went to find Simon. He was stood under a tree, with his face turned away. I just put my arms round him. "It's alright," I said.
"It's not alright." And he turned to me, all fierce and proud and angry and hurt, like a little boy.
"What does he want us to do then?"
"Sit down." I said. "Listen. Listen to what he's saying." And he looked at me.
"Well," I said. "What good was all that about governments and palaces. Mission statements. Phph! Listen to him Simon. He's real. He's what you need."
So we sat together on the hillside. And listened to Jesus.
Author: Roger Quick